No One is Good Enough [Mom Confessions]

I'm freakin' emotional! I was literally banned from watching the news my whole pregnancy cause I would cry to my boyfriend about any and everything! Postpartum the emotion hasn't gone away. And sensitivity has brought it's friend paranoia along for the ride! 

The news literally makes me feel like I may go crazy. Especially because something bad is always happening... somewhere... to someones child. Technically I guess everyone is someones child but I really mean babies. Yesterday I read about a man who shook his two year old stepdaughter to the point she was limp which cause irreversible brain damage. The little girl is now on life support and her family is preparing to take her off. 2 years old! And I've seen similar stories about family members harming/killing young children.

These are people that you least expect to harm your child. This woman trusted that man enough to marry him and to leave her daughter alone with him and he's taken away something he can never give back to her. In less than a minute anything can go south and I am terrified of leaving my child with anyone!! More so because I get. My baby is 3 weeks old and he is a SCREAMER. There's no crying lol.. He only has one volume. It takes about 30 seconds before I'm clenching my teeth myself so I understand how someone else could be frustrated hearing it. But it's never crossed my mind to shake him.. Or cover his face to stop the crying/decrease the noise... Or hit him out of annoyance. And these are all things you see via the news or social media.

 Do I have to go back to work?! There's gotta be another solution... Figuring it out...

Xoxo,

Tanay

Breastfeeding Chronicles [2 weeks Postpartum]

I figured I'd keep up with this breastfeeding journey since literally feeding consumes my life. All day there is a baby attached to me for some reason. I guess I don't mind though cause he's cute... And he doesn't have teeth yet. LOL. A little glimpse into what breastfeeding has been like for me for the first two weeks...

• The first week was the worst week of my life. He had a really poor latch at birth and when they tell you that a bad latch can lead to sore, cracked nipples... #jesustakethewheel... You don't ever want to experience that.

•  The lactation consultants at the hospital were crap. No one was able to help or explain to me how to get a GOOD latch. So the whole first week if it looked like he was eating I just didn't bother him. Big no-no. And I didn't see a good lactation consultant until his 1st checkup. 

•  Because we both (me and baby) had no idea what we were doing I ended up supplementing with formula for like... 2 days. I thought he had nipple confusion from using a pacifier.. Which I then blamed on everyone in my house because I didn't want him having it. And the latch got so bad that it was a fight late at night to feed him so I gave up. For 2 days I thought it was over for me feeding my baby. 

•  My right nipple split completely open during the second week. To the point where I worried that my baby would become a vampire cause it was bleeding slightly and I didn't want him to like the taste of blood more than the taste of breast milk. #dramaqueen 

•  But on a positive note it really does establish a different type of bond between you and the baby. Despite bleeding and the immense pain and the frustration during the first week .. I love the fact that I have something no one else can give my son. I love watching him and talking to him while I'm feeding him. I just love him. #obsessedmama

how could you not love feeding this little face?! lol #milkdrunk 

 

23 hours... 8 pushes... 0 stitches!!

On 10|23|14 (2 weeks and 5 days early) I gave birth to the most amazing little person I have ever met! Didn't I tell you guys he'd be an October baby? And at 2 weeks (and a day) old I am more in love than I have ever been!

Being a mommy is amazing and I'm truly loving every minute of it. People look at me like I'm absolutely crazy when they ask if I'm exhausted/tired and I say no. Cause I'm not. I don't feel like I'm truly sleeping any less than I was before. Chalk it up to my past insomnia. And I actually LOVE the moments we're up at night. He only wakes up twice during the night and I use that time (while breastfeeding) to kiss every little finger and toe... & stare at his big eyes.. & tell him my dreams for us. It's probably the only time I'm not sharing him so I soak up every minute of it. It also probably helps that he's such a good baby. He only cries when he's naked... which makes me wonder if he was switched at birth because in my heart of hearts I'm a nudist lmao.

All in all, I'm loving being a mommy. So to everyone who thought my excitement wouldn't last past pregnancy.... You were wrong *sticks tongue out*

Xoxo, Tanay