No One is Good Enough [Mom Confessions]

I'm freakin' emotional! I was literally banned from watching the news my whole pregnancy cause I would cry to my boyfriend about any and everything! Postpartum the emotion hasn't gone away. And sensitivity has brought it's friend paranoia along for the ride! 

The news literally makes me feel like I may go crazy. Especially because something bad is always happening... somewhere... to someones child. Technically I guess everyone is someones child but I really mean babies. Yesterday I read about a man who shook his two year old stepdaughter to the point she was limp which cause irreversible brain damage. The little girl is now on life support and her family is preparing to take her off. 2 years old! And I've seen similar stories about family members harming/killing young children.

These are people that you least expect to harm your child. This woman trusted that man enough to marry him and to leave her daughter alone with him and he's taken away something he can never give back to her. In less than a minute anything can go south and I am terrified of leaving my child with anyone!! More so because I get. My baby is 3 weeks old and he is a SCREAMER. There's no crying lol.. He only has one volume. It takes about 30 seconds before I'm clenching my teeth myself so I understand how someone else could be frustrated hearing it. But it's never crossed my mind to shake him.. Or cover his face to stop the crying/decrease the noise... Or hit him out of annoyance. And these are all things you see via the news or social media.

 Do I have to go back to work?! There's gotta be another solution... Figuring it out...

Xoxo,

Tanay

Breastfeeding Chronicles [2 weeks Postpartum]

I figured I'd keep up with this breastfeeding journey since literally feeding consumes my life. All day there is a baby attached to me for some reason. I guess I don't mind though cause he's cute... And he doesn't have teeth yet. LOL. A little glimpse into what breastfeeding has been like for me for the first two weeks...

• The first week was the worst week of my life. He had a really poor latch at birth and when they tell you that a bad latch can lead to sore, cracked nipples... #jesustakethewheel... You don't ever want to experience that.

•  The lactation consultants at the hospital were crap. No one was able to help or explain to me how to get a GOOD latch. So the whole first week if it looked like he was eating I just didn't bother him. Big no-no. And I didn't see a good lactation consultant until his 1st checkup. 

•  Because we both (me and baby) had no idea what we were doing I ended up supplementing with formula for like... 2 days. I thought he had nipple confusion from using a pacifier.. Which I then blamed on everyone in my house because I didn't want him having it. And the latch got so bad that it was a fight late at night to feed him so I gave up. For 2 days I thought it was over for me feeding my baby. 

•  My right nipple split completely open during the second week. To the point where I worried that my baby would become a vampire cause it was bleeding slightly and I didn't want him to like the taste of blood more than the taste of breast milk. #dramaqueen 

•  But on a positive note it really does establish a different type of bond between you and the baby. Despite bleeding and the immense pain and the frustration during the first week .. I love the fact that I have something no one else can give my son. I love watching him and talking to him while I'm feeding him. I just love him. #obsessedmama

how could you not love feeding this little face?! lol #milkdrunk 

 

23 hours... 8 pushes... 0 stitches!!

On 10|23|14 (2 weeks and 5 days early) I gave birth to the most amazing little person I have ever met! Didn't I tell you guys he'd be an October baby? And at 2 weeks (and a day) old I am more in love than I have ever been!

Being a mommy is amazing and I'm truly loving every minute of it. People look at me like I'm absolutely crazy when they ask if I'm exhausted/tired and I say no. Cause I'm not. I don't feel like I'm truly sleeping any less than I was before. Chalk it up to my past insomnia. And I actually LOVE the moments we're up at night. He only wakes up twice during the night and I use that time (while breastfeeding) to kiss every little finger and toe... & stare at his big eyes.. & tell him my dreams for us. It's probably the only time I'm not sharing him so I soak up every minute of it. It also probably helps that he's such a good baby. He only cries when he's naked... which makes me wonder if he was switched at birth because in my heart of hearts I'm a nudist lmao.

All in all, I'm loving being a mommy. So to everyone who thought my excitement wouldn't last past pregnancy.... You were wrong *sticks tongue out*

Xoxo, Tanay

Where are you?.

And I don't mean me. I mean the energy I used to have. I can't keep my eyes open long enough to eat dinner. Let alone blog. 

I'm going to miss being pregnant and having my son close to me at all times but ... I'm ready to have my body back. 

60 days and counting til D-Day! Please God let it be a little less! 

Sorry I've been a crap blogger again. Hoping new mommy life will be more interesting. 

{BabyLove}- what's going on in 3rd tri?

Lemme just start off with a beautiful cliche disclaimer: Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. To know life is growing inside of you is amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world right now.

Now that that's out of the way.... I'll say it. I'm over it. I'm approaching 30 weeks in a couple days and I want this kid out (not really I want him to be as healthy as possible when he's born)!!! Who told me I could do this?! I'm not built for this! LOL. Pregnancy does so much to your body that NO amount of reading can prepare you for. Thank God for YouTube! If I didn't learn so much from there, my doctor would block my number from the amount of times I call her to make sure something is normal. 

I am now in the glorious third trimester of pregnancy where everything just seems to get bigger by the day. And by everything... I mean none of the important things that they tell you will get bigger. Like where are these great boobs I was supposed to get? Whomp! BabyLove is literally taking everything and I am ALL belly. I don't mind because I love him to pieces and I know he needs everything he can get but geesh... A little boob never hurt anyone! LMAO. Before pregnancy I was 100 pounds... At almost 29 weeks I was 121! Sounds like nothing to some people but when you're used to being THAT tiny all of your adult life... I feel like I'm doing a never ending gym workout. And don't get me started on breathing! I actually went to triage at the hospital two weeks ago because this baby is SO big and I am SO tiny that he's literally squishing my lungs and making it hard for me to catch my breath even laying down (I also can't get too full because then the pressure from my stomach PLUS baby take up too much space in there)! I was worried about the amount of oxygen he was getting but of course the little brat was fine in there! But breathing is an everyday struggle that I still sometimes panic about because I have a history of asthma and you never forget the feeling of not being able to catch your breath. 

All in all though OTHER than not being able to breathe and wondering where my boobs are.. I'm thankful to God that I've had an easy pregnancy. I have nothing to complain about (though hormones always help me find something) and I'm just anxiously awaiting the little prince's arrival and mentally preparing for motherhood. 

Life huh? 

Life. Lately.

Hola!

I promised myself when I started this blog that I would NOT go weeks and weeks without updating it because that is a really bad habit that I got into with my other blog and once you get into that habit it is HARD to get out of. But I'm not perfect and I let life get the best of me and just have NOT felt like writing. It's so weird because writing is something that I naturally enjoy doing (along with reading) yet I just could not find the motivation to put the "pen to paper" and get it done. Oh well... All we can do is move forward.

Lately I.....

• Started a new job which I love because I get to sit down all day! LOL. It's also a really easy job and it has good benefits and is paying WAY more than I was making before which .... babies ain't free honey! So I needed that in my life. 
• Have been struggling to stay positive about MYSELF. I half blame pregnancy hormones. It makes it sooooo much harder to work at being positive when that hormonal surge is on 1000.
• Made it to the third trimester of pregnancy! WOOHOO, I feel like I have been pregnant forever and at the same time it feels like it's flying by. This little boy will be here before you know it and I cant wait to kiss and love him up. 
• Have been driving my poor boyfriend MAD. This week that passed we actually had a good week but the week before.... I was a hot mess. I have no problem admitting that I was a royal pain. 
• Have fallen asleep at like 10 o clock every night only to wake up a million times and eventually just quit trying to sleep altogether. Pregnancy is glamorous.
• Have gotten tired of my natural hair. I miss my weave and mostly I miss not having to do anything to it everyday but still feeling FAB. The combination of pregnancy, hormones and my uncooperative hair have not had me feeling my best. So of course my weave will be making a return sooner rather than later lol.

What have you guys been up to lately? 

Midweek Inspiration + A Letter to my Son

via Google Images

My sweet baby,

I can't believe you're almost here! I've carried you for 25 weeks and a few days now which means I'll get to see you in about 3 months. You're due November 10th but I have a feeling you'll be an October baby (I want to call it intuition.. though it could just be my anxiousness to meet you) and I can't wait until you're here and we can start this next phase of life together. You have already helped me grow so much as a person and I know our experience will make me that much better; of this I am determined. 

There isn't an hour that goes by that I don't think about you or wonder how you're doing in there. You probably know this already cause I'm constantly wiggling you around to make sure you're ok. That's my job as your mommy. To make sure that you are always safe. I already wish I could keep you protected from this crazy world forever....tuck you away somewhere... but that wouldn't be fair to you. Life's experiences are what's going to make you and sometimes it's going to be hard, but I'm always going to be here to motivate you, to wipe your tears, and to make it a little easier. I pray everyday that I can fill your childhood with happy memories and that you don't feel the stress or worries of adult life much too soon. 

You're going to be spoiled.There's no doubt in my mind. So many people love you already and it's amazing to be surrounded by such supportive people. Family is important and I hope you always keep that in the forefront of your mind. No one will love you as much as we do. Your mommy, daddy, grandparents, aunts and uncles... we all can't wait to see you and watch you grow up. It's almost like you're every one's first baby. Family also isn't perfect but I hope that you always remember that while you may have differences, God doesn't make mistakes and your family is yours forever. They are a little cray cray..... but you'll love them just the same. 

I have such high hopes for you. I hope you'll be a mommas boy (your daddy's hoping otherwise). I hope you have your daddy's passion and his drive because when he feels strongly about something nothing stands in his way. I hope you don't get either of our stubbornness but that's definitely wishful thinking!! LOL. But mostly I hope you never feel cheated or short of our love. You couldn't even begin to imagine how much you are wanted, anticipated and loved already. 

Xoxo, 

Mommy

Thankful Thursday

I was almost tempted not to write this post because I feel like some people who read it won't understand. But then again I knew better. Because I know if 100 people read this post and only 1 person gets it, I did a good thing. I think what tends to shy people away from writing about faith is the fear of looking/sounding hypocritical. But, people are not perfect. There is no perfect man. And all we can do is strive to be the example that we know God wants us to be.

When I woke up today I scrolled through social media as always... Bad habits are hard to kick. But as I was scrolling I realized social media has become THE bearer of bad news. Among all the Vine videos, and twerking and attention seeking statuses I saw... another plane disappeared.. More than one person in their twenties has been killed... Something about some guy admitting to molesting children during missionary work..... More and more BAD NEWS. I felt sad for a few minutes before I began to feel the most grateful I've felt in a LONG time.

I am by no means the exception. Bad things happen to good people every single day. And I find myself thanking God more and more for the little things on a daily basis. I was definitely one of those kids who would role their eyes when the preacher/pastor/whoever said if you had nothing else to thank God for thank Him for waking you up this morning. Because at 12...15... even 20 years old... You feel like you are exempt. No one expects to go to sleep at 20 yrs old and not wake up the next day but it happens. The world is getting crazier and crazier everyday.

I no longer think it's crazy to thank God I made it the TWO blocks that I have to walk from the bus stop to my house everyday after work.... because some people (and it's not uncommon in my neighborhood) don't make it. I thank Him every single doctors appointment I have that shows my son thriving ... because I've known multiple people in the passed few years who have made it farther than me in their pregnancies and lost their child. My grandmothers drive me UP THE WALL but I thank God for them all the time because some people don't have a family to even get frustrated with. I'm learning day by day not to take the little things for granted because one morning it could be me on Facebook... Bearing the bad news... Or being the victim of the bad news... Yet Gods grace has gotten me this far. A million thank yous still wouldn't be enough.

xoxo,
Tanay

Sunday Social

Apparently last weekend I suffered brain damage and that's why I completely forgot to link up. Fear not though my brain has recovered and all makes sense in the world again. =) Anywho, linking up with the fabulous Ashley and Neely for another week of interesting question on the Sunday Social. =)

1. What is the most difficult thing you've been through?

Without getting too deep I think the most difficult thing I have been through was probably my previous relationship. It was pretty bad. But it's made me such a smarter, stronger, and more loving person. So there's a definite rainbow at the end =)

2. What was your best birthday?

I can't think of a BEST birthday but my birthday that just passed was pretty nice. It was super stress free cause I didn't plan a big thing like I had been doing the previous years because for some reason when you make big plans it always turns complicated. I just went to dinner and spent time with my boyfriend and it was still an amazing birthday for me.

3. What has been your favorite thing you've done in your own city?

I always like to do touristy things in my own city especially during the summer. I love to go into NYC and try things that I've never done before or just go for walks cause I think the city is beautiful in the spring/summer. 

4. What is your idea of the perfect date night?

That's a pretty hard one for me but it would probably be something that involves food since I love eating LOL. 

5. Have you ever been to a blogging conference? If so which one(s)? If not, do you want to?

I definitely want to attend a blogging conference because I haven't had the opportunity to go to one yet. I was looking into Bloggy Booty Camp earlier this year before I found out I was pregnant but now I figure it's better to probably wait a little while. Next year, hopefully =)

Cant wait read some of your responses to this weeks questions. Post some links in the comments or if not you can answer your favorite question right in the comment box! Also, have you entered my group giveaway yet? The prize is a nice amount of cash... I half wish I could enter it myself! LOL.

xoxo, 

Tanay

First Giveaway!

I have teamed up with some amazing ladies to provide you with an awesome giveaway opportunity. Le prize? $210 bucks paypal cash! Who doesn't love money?

The following lovely ladies (including moi!) made this all possible for you =). Be sure to check out their blogs if you're unfamiliar with them because there are some amazing reads and a plethora of info in this bunch.

• http://www.okdani.com
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• http://www.diariesofawannaberichkid.com
• http://www.womansreflection.com
• http://thesophisticatedlife.com
• http://www.beautystyleandgrowth.blogspot.com 
• http://lifewithtanay.blogspot.com
• http://www.anointedheels.com
• http://www.guyanesesista.com

As far as the money goes. Enter to win in the Rafflecopter below. The only other rules are that you must be 18yrs or older, a US resident, and subscribed to OK, Dani (you wont regret that either, promise *winks*). 

Good luck loves! Winner will be chose August 1st. =)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

#TrueLife: I have a big (but not really big) family

I am getting an instant migraine just thinking about it. With only about 17 weeks (God I hope!) until BabyLove is here, things are starting to move super fast. Naturally, people keep asking about the words I'm beginning to dread hearing. I feel like if one more person asks me about a baby shower I'm going to burst into tears at this point. 

And you would think this onslaught of waterworks would be due to the fact that I'm not going to have one. But nope, the problem is everyone wants to have one, and everyone wants to do their own thing. "Too many Chiefs and not enough Indians" in my dad's words LOL. Logic for me says one baby shower. Even though my boyfriend and I are not married, both his and my family are our son's family. I don't view my baby as having separate families. In my head when I think about my family I don't separate them by where they are or which parent they came from they're all my family. 

And getting some people to understand that logic for some reason just isn't happening. I live with my grandmother, my mother lives with her husband, my dad lives separately also... that's 3 different "families" on my side alone and that doesn't even include my boyfriends side. I just don't think it's logical to want separation because that's definitely not how the baby is going to grow up. 

I hate hurting people's feelings but we all need to get it together, or someone is going to lose out. And it won't be me of course because well... he's mine! LOL.

xoxo,

Tanay

From Natural... To relaxed?

So I spent almost a year of transitioning to natural hair before I went and did the "big chop". And I loved it. There were days my hair looked CRAY... And I embraced it all. But now being the crazy lady I am... I thinking about going back to a relaxer.

Myth: Natural hair is easy to maintain.

Fact: Being natural is a lot of effin work! Lol. With my natural hair texture.. There are no days where I can just go.. I have to do work EVERY SINGLE DAY.. And ummm I'm having a baby y'all (in case you missed it lmao).. Ain't nobody got time for that! 

Myth: Natural hair saves money.

Fact: Have you ever walked down the natural hair aisle at your local pharmacy/department store? Yea no... It's not cheap at all. Even if you don't fall victim to becoming a product junkie... You still have to try out products to figure out what your hair loves... Which I have yet to find out cause again... It takes alot of work lol. "healthy hair" is expensive no matter how you look at it.

Myth: Natural hair grows "better" than relaxed hair.

Fact: I've never had a problem with my hair growing.. I had really long relaxed hair. My scalp was unhealthy in general and that might be due to prolonged protective styling (weaves) because even natural I still have the same scalp issue if I wear a weave. My hair just needs to be washed frequently... No matter what state it's in.

All in all I'm still undecided. 

Will I be "copping out" if I go back to relaxing? Would people even notice?! Lmao. It's not like I went hard in the natural hair community.. And for that reason. My mind when it comes to my hair changes on a whim and I didn't want to deal with the "backlash". Anyone who's natural knows the natural hair community can be ruthless LOL. I might be exiled to a deserted island. 

Did I then just waste a year for nothing? Ehhhh... I don't think so. Like I said before I liked transitioning. Even the hard days weren't TERRIBLE. And hair experimenting was fun. 

Will I regret relaxing? Maybe. Lol. I actually had natural hair before but I kept my hair in box braids for like... 2 years straight (I mean, not the same braids but y'all get it) and the whole time I was transitioning I kept saying... Well I'd HAVE natural hair if I never relaxed it when I stopped braiding it. But I was a lot younger then (16 I think) and wouldn't have invested the time in my natural hair. I barely took care of my relaxed hair back then. 

Will it really be easier to have relaxed hair? Lol I honestly think it will. Right now I'm tryna think of what will make my life as easy as possible. Newborn (soon), trying to perfect a twistout, AND working.. doesn't seem realistic to me. Are there even enough hours in the day?! I'd like to sleep some (which everyone says I won't do anyway LOL).

At the end of the day... It's my hair lol. If I want a baldy tomorrow then I'll shave my head "cause I feel like it" and I'll be fine with that! Haha. My main goal right now is to not make impulse decisions but... I think that's in my genetic make up. ;)

xoxo,

Tanay

Sunday Social! =)

I hope everyone had an amazing Fourth of July! Here's this weeks Sunday Social q&a. =)

1. What is your favorite genre of music?

I actually don't have one. I love 90s R&B because music today is never talking about anything. But I like music and general and I like to sing so I get attached to songs very easily lol.

2. What is your favorite genre of movies?

Despite being addicted to Harry Potter lol I think my favorite genre of movies is probably Romance/Romantic Comedies. I'm soft on the inside y'all. I love LOVE. 

3. Do you watch reality TV? If so what was the first show you remember watching?

Reality TV garbage is the ONLY TV I'm watching right now until Fall. I'm pretty sure the first show I watched was The Real World. Isn't that where it all started? Who DIDN'T want to be on that show?

4. Who is an actress you'd want to be BFFs with?

Of course, Kerry Washington! Is it bad to say that I'd love to be her BFF so I could get in her CLOSET! *dies*

5. Who is an actor you'd love to be stuck on an island with

The first one that popped in my head was Channing Tatum. This love was solidified before his Magic Mike days so I don't just have some pervy stripper fascination with him. Though it helped ;).

Make sure you guys check out the fabulous Ashley and Neely and link up with the Sunday Social. Leave some links in the comments so I can check out your answers as well! =) 

xoxo,

Tanay

Happy Birthday America!!

Happy 4th everyone from me and Babylove!! Be safe, have fun & save me a plate!! 

Be back Sunday for Sunday Social :)

Xoxo, 

Tanay 

Mid-week Inspiration

Via Google Images

I don't have a lot to actually say today. So I'm just going to stick with the imagery/quote. It fits into what I've been trying to embrace recently which is hard with my over-planning personality. But I'm a work in progress!

Love you guys,

Tanay

Hello, July! [Monthly Goals]

I seriously CANNOT believe we are in the second half of 2014 already. Before you know it, the year will be coming to an end! I am soooo not ready for winter again it was FREEZING for so long in NYC and now I'll have to adjust to freezing winter temps with a baby! CRAY CRAY! lol. I am excited a new month has begun and with it comes opportunity to get new things accomplished which is VERY important being that I know feel like I have tons of things to do!

one. Get organized! Time is clearly flying and I have so much to organize and prepare before the baby comes. I have TWO houses to clean because.... let's face it men have a completely different vision about cleaning than women do and I seriously want to get things together before I am too big to want to do anything.

two. Figure this baby shower thing out! I'm like half planning my own baby shower. Not even really half planning. IDK WHAT I'M DOING! And that in itself is where the problem lies lol. All I know is I want to have the shower in September which means that it has to be figured out sometime SOON so that people can have enough notice. 

three. Read a book. I'm not sure what book yet but I haven't read a book in FOREVER and I used to go through more than one book a week. I know my reading time will be limited very soon so I want to get some reading done this summer. I'm open to book suggestions! =)

four. Grow my blog. And this is an obvious one which will probably be on my list every month because there is no progress without growth! Anything worth having you have to work hard for. 

five. Drink more water. You would think that being pregnant I would drink more but nope. I still go hours sometimes without drinking anything which I know is suuuuuper bad especially now that it's getting hotter every day. I definitely need to work on keeping myself and baby hydrated. Though, can he get dehydrated in there? I wonder...

What are some of your goals for July? Any good book suggestions? Any volunteers to clean house? LOL.

Linking up with: Let's Be Friends Blog Hop

Not Feeling So Wordy: 4 Ideas for When You Don't Know What to Say

So it's been 3 days since my last post and while that's nothing for some people, (and definitely nothing for me, I've disappeared for months on my old blog!) it's definitely not a habit I want to get back into. Everyone is well aware that blogging successfully requires some dedication and if you just aren't into it then ... you just won't have the readership #straightlikethat. There's nothing wrong with blogging every other day or blogging every few days but the key is to be consistent so that your readers know what to expect. So basically, I'm just gonna share some advice/ideas (and take that into next week with me) for what to do when you just can't seem to get the words out and onto your blog .

Idea 1: Schedule posts in advance. This is a somewhat "controversial" idea among some lifestyle bloggers that I've actually read. Some people don't like the idea of scheduling posts in advance or just simply can't because they are waiting for those "life events" to occur that are worthy of blogging about. That's great, but it can leave you without content for days which can sometimes lead to your blog taking a loss. I personally know if I check someones blog for days on end and don't see an update (especially if it's a blog I look forward to reading) it gets annoying and I lose interest. 

Idea 2: Draft posts at least! This is a big big mistake I make all the time. I'll be sitting somewhere random or even typing out my post for the day and then a different idea pops into my head.... and i don't write it down. My mind is constantly on a thousand so it doesn't even take 5 minutes for me to forget the idea. Writing them down (or typing it in your notepad on your phone) at least sets the precedent for you to have extra ideas out there for a day when you don't have something specific planned for your blog. It's nice to have that little mental refresher. 

Idea 3: Wordless Wednesdays, Instablog, Life through My Lens... whatever you want to call it. There are plenty of days (and even more link-ups) when you can post pictures on your blog without having to write a full on post. This can even work for a day/event where it's pretty self explanatory and there isn't much to say word-wise. "A picture is worth a thousand words". Ain't that the saying?

Idea 4: Guest posts! Yea... I'm not saying email your favorite "top blogger" like "hey do you want to guest post on my blog today because I have no idea what to say" because you will most likely get hit with the #BYEFELICIA. LOL. But there are plenty of bloggers out there that want to reach different audiences. This is why networking in the blog community is so important. Reach out to other bloggers so that you can develop a relationship which will open up opportunities for you to get guest posts on your blog/guest post on other blogs (and make friends!! who doesn't love making friends????). Your readers will appreciate hearing something even if it's not from you! And if it's a day you post on someone's blog, some simple forwarding/redirection (i.e, "Hey guys check out my guest post today over on....") will benefit both your blog and your new bloggy friend! 

Do you feel enlightened? LOL. Hopefully I've sparked some ideas for you guys to get that content rolling! Remember that Quality outweighs Quantity when it comes to your blog so don't force it if it's not there. There's nothing worse than reading a crappy post and thinking "that's 60 seconds of my life that I'll never get back". And if you felt that way about this post then please let me know in the comment box so I can ban you from reading! (Kidding!! .... a little ^_^). 

What other ideas do you guys have for when you just can't think of what to blog about?

xoxo.

Tanay

The Struggle with Self-Love

Via Google image search 

Believe it or not my post today was inspired by last nights dose of ratchet reality TV. I'm pretty sure everyone is familiar with #LHHATL whether you watch the show or not and honestly it's not the only show that puts an extreme lack of self-love in full view for the world to see. Reality TV constantly puts women (and sometimes men) in the forefront to be .... embarrassed (for lack of a better word). As I sat and watched all I could think about is how Mimi is too daggone old to be so dependent on the love of another person that's she's completely blinded to them taking advantage of her.

In my later teenage years I really struggled with loving myself. I was never really equipped with that kind of thing growing up and that's not to discredit my upbringing at all because I was for the most part extremely happy (and I also believe generational patterns and cycles have a lot to do with things like this). But I was never taught the value of self. My first real relationship where someone "loved" me was even more damaging to me in terms of self-esteem and self-confidence. I honestly felt like at 18 years old I NEEDED to be accepted by this person who did nothing but tear me down in soooo many ways, disguising it as love. And I continued to portray the happy girl on the outside so that no one would catch wind of my insecurities.

Thankfully and (I honestly feel like) by the grace of God I met my boyfriend (who was of course a friend back then). He became a person I felt completely comfortable in confiding in and in the beginning of our friendship he taught me so much about loving me first. I truly believe that God can send you people to convey messages that you might not be hearing so clearly directly from Him. I could be completely wrong but either way our friendship was my saving grace. Leaving my old relationship I spent months and months working on me and building myself back up to a point where I felt like it was OK to just be me. I began focusing on my dreams and my own aspirations and it was a completely different feeling not needing someone to validate or confirm my emotions.

In any case, I said all of that to say to be successful in anything in life it starts with yourself. Validation and confirmation from another person will only take you so far. I feel more equipped now  than I ever have before to love other people because I trust myself to know the limits of that love. I trust myself to be an amazing mother and teach my son the value of himself so that he never feels the need to seek other peoples idea of his worth. And I know for a fact I'll mess up. There's no such thing as a perfect human-being but I'm glad I have an amazing support system to pick up where I lack. And I don't depend on or need them, but it's nice to have them there.

What's the most important lesson you've learned about loving yourself?

xoxo,
Tanay

Sunday Social =)

Happy Sunday Guys! Today I'm linking up with Neely of A Complete Waste of Makeup and Ashley of Ashley Lately for the Sunday Social. Since this is a new blog obviously this is my first Sunday Social and I'm excited to answer the questions and link up with some new bloggers. Here we go =)

1. What's your favorite scary movie?

Am I the only one that can't read that question at all without hearing the guy from Scream's voice? It seriously creeped me out a little JUST reading the question haha... I don't think I have a favorite scary movie though. I haven't seen a GOOD scary movie in a while the ones that come out now are sooo predictable. 

2.What is your favorite weird TV show you think no one else watches?

Dance Moms! Which I'm sure lots of people watch or it wouldn't still be on. But it's probably completely random for me to watch that and my boyfriend HAAAAATES it lol. He leaves the room whenever he sees me switching to LifeTime lmao.

3.What is the song you can sing all the words to without any music?

There are sooooo many songs of all different types that I know the words to. I've always been really good at picking up song lyrics. 

4.What is your favorite book to re-read?

Have you checked out my About Me?? I could re-read Harry Potter a million times. I also loved reading the Hunger Games so I'd have no probably re-reading the first two in that series. The third one was a little blah for me.

5.The one website you visit more times a day than others?

It'd probably be a tie between Facebook and YouTube. I just started watching a whole bunch of random daily vlogs on YouTube and I'm always looking at baby product reviews. Facebook I'm in a couple different groups for bloggers and then I just have always had a problem with checking my Facebook timeline way too many times a day. Old habits die hard.

Are you guys linking up with the Sunday Social or any other link-ups today? Leave the link to your posts in the comments I'd love to read some!

xoxo, 

Tanay

Reasons Why You Shouldn't Use Captcha

via Google Images

That guy up there^^ I loathe him. And you're probably thinking... ummmm you have 4 blog posts ma'am who are you to be giving anyone any bloggy advice... in which my response would be... here because I'm becoming a mommy and I've changed my ways and decided telling people where they can shove their opinions is not very mommy-like (I'm totally, partially joking). Seriously though, this isn't my first trip around blog-land and I had to learn myself that that obnoxious little jerk up there, is just that.

• It's annoying as hell! Seriously, half the time I go to comment on someones blog and that annoying little box pops up... I want to die. I have to now sit and decipher whatever made up word this is (because whoever captured that image up there got lucky to have two clear and REAL words) which 90% of the time is wrong on the first try and now I have to restart the annoying process all over again. 
• It is almost IMPOSSIBLE to see on a cell phone. A lot of people are either on-the-go blog readers or just don't feel like opening their computer just to comment on another blog. I personally already don't have the best vision. Paired with me trying to decipher this coding and well....
• ....it leads me to point three... it can discourage your readers from commenting. And we all love a good blog comment. But if I have to sit there for 5 minutes trying to figure out that crap and I'm on attempt number three and it's STILL telling me it's wrong. Screw it! It's not that real for me. And no one wants that to happen because interaction is one of the best parts of blogging! 

So clearly I just dropped some amazing knowledge on you guys and you all should run to your blogs and remove that annoying spawn immediately. I know some people like to say they have it on for spam purposes but lets face it ...1. If your blog isn't that big then you most likely aren't being over-flooded with spam comments and you can delete them. Don't be lazy. and 2. If number one applies then would you rather no comments at all then like the 1 spam comment you get and the 5 other amazing ones that could come along with it? There are plenty of spam blocking programs (whatever those are called) that you can install that won't drive your readers bat-sh*t crazy like captcha and then its a win-win situation for everyone!

Please... I beg you.... take it off!
xoxo,
Tanay

BabyLove: Anatomy Scan

I cannot believe that by the time Monday comes I will be halfway done with this pregnancy! It sucks that I started a new blog so late because now you guys only get to hear about it halfway but I had a fairly uneventful pregnancy either way. I had started doing bumpdates on my old blog but my bump at the time didn't seem like it was changing that much and neither were my symptoms.. so it felt kind of redundant.

Anywho, I had my anatomy scan today and I was super anxious/excited for it all day! I'm happy to report (praise God) that the doctor said everything looks amazing and the baby is beautiful! =). He does weigh a pound already which from looking at my "What to Expect" app seems like its huge because they have the average weight as half a pound. I keep thinking about how the heck I'm supposed to push him out if hes almost 10 pounds by the time this is over because I was 5'1 and like 100 pounds when this all began so suuuuper tiny! I'm just happy that he's healthy and all is looking amazing!

If you follow me on Instagram then you've seen that I posted a picture up of him already but I'm going to re-share it anyway. And a few more. This may be the only time I get 3d pictures of him also so I was HYPE about that! haha.

She tried to get him to move his hands for like 5 minutes but he was NOT having it. He's also a very active baby so it took about 45 minutes for her to make sure she got all the measurements she needed cause he kept moving away from the ultrasound wand! LOL. Either way I still love his pictures and think he looks adorable! Mothers love? Lol. 

xoxo,

Tanay

Mid-Week Inspiration

I have grown up in church practically my whole life. I did have my rebellious teenage years where... I don't even know WHAT I was doing (HA!). But even during that time I still found myself in church a good amount of the time. I just didn't feel like I was absorbing anything. Anywho... I am back to going more regularly and I truly feels like it gives me a sense of level-headedness (who's word is that?!) that I was lacking before. I still catch myself sometimes but I can blame that on pregnancy hormones =D.

I was random blog/instagram/twitter scrolling yesterday trying to build up my network for this new bloggy and I skimmed past a quote that I knew I would HAVE to blog about today.

I am impatient by nature. I'm pretty sure God knew that when he made me. I am a planner, I like to be organized and chaos seriously stresses me out. I also like to think long term. Seriously when I say planner I want to have life planned for like the next 20 years. LOL. So imagine my surprise getting pregnant (though it wasn't REALLY a surprise it was just the timing was)! Or.. getting pregnant when I JUST switched jobs. I seriously sit and think sometimes about how I should have done things differently, or made different decisions. 

But, I am learning that every decision I make leads up to the present. If I could go back and change it I wouldn't at all because at the end of the day I am still blessed beyond measure and who knows where I would be if things were different. God doesn't give anyone more than they can handle and I am learning daily to lean and rely on Faith more and more. And I have no reason not to. I am the happiest I have been in a LONG time. I still have my moments that I feel overwhelmed or I think what the heck did I get myself into but I am confident that my situation will all turn out more than amazing. It's by no means bad now but I'm an overachiever lol.. I always want to be at my best and more. 

**I decided to do mid-week inspiration because I personally haven't seen it that often. I see a lot of posts for Monday or Friday when the week is just beginning or ending but I find personally that sometimes I need that push in the middle of the week to help me actually GET to the end of it. Just thought I'd share my motivation behind it ;)**

New Beginnings

This is officially my second blog. I loved my first blog. Really and truly. But I didn't give it the time that it deserved. So many new things are happening in my life right now. I'm expecting my first baby, I'll be moving in with my boyfriend soon and just the consistent day to day changes that I am making within myself. I only thought it fair to start over. I didn't think it was right to keep half-documenting things that I found were important to me especially because I enjoy doing it. I was already in the habit of half-*ssed blogging on my old blog. And right now, I feel like its time to go all in! Can't wait to share my journey with you all =).

xoxo,

Tanay